Prorities, Perfectionism, and why I’ve Decided to Stop Blogging

I sat on the couch, overwhelmed at the end of the day and tried to figure out what a successful day looked like for me. What did I have to accomplish in order to be pleased with myself at the end of the day? I knew the  “right” answer. The one that goes, “As long as everyone’s alive and I love my kids it’s a successful day,” or, “If I just got the one thing done that I set out to do today, then it was a success.” Truthfully? I realized that I usually don’t feel successful unless I’ve blogged in the morning, made three healthy meals from scratch, exercised, studied the gospel, played one-on-one with both boys, had outdoor play, created something during naptime, and gone to bed with a clean house. Ideally I would practice piano and do a craft with the toddler as well.

Yikes! Hello, unrealistic expectations! This is part of battling perfectionism. This is why I have anxiety at the end of every. single. day (almost). I had to let something go, but as I thought about what I would give up the anxiety would get worse. I was holding so tight to all of these parts of my life, feeling like if I gave up even just one that I would be failing and losing part of myself.

The Simple Life

I started to think about simplicity, slow living, and minimalism. I am really good at cutting out unnecessary objects from my life. I am a ruthless declutter-er. Why shouldn’t this sentiment apply to activities and to-do lists as well?

This forced me to think about all the things I’ve been trying to do. Which ones are necessary? Which bring me the most joy? I realized that right now in this stage of life, blogging is not actually bringing me joy. I’ve come to a new stage in my life where it feels more like a chore.

 

Letting Go

Once I finally told myself that I would stop blogging, I knew it was the right decision. I felt free and peaceful. I even felt more relaxed about sewing.

The feeling is bittersweet because the perfectionism is telling me that if I stop blogging I’ll be wishy-washy, and my blog will be a failure before it even got started. I have so many ideas that I’ve yet to share with you, and goals I’ve yet to reach. Maybe I’ll come back at a different stage in my life and accomplish them. For now, I have to remember that for me this blog has already served its purpose.

I need to simplify my life and this is how I do it. If I really wanted to blog I think I could, but something else would have to go.

So my friends, this is it. It’s been a wonderful (if short) journey. If you need me, I’ll be sewing and snuggling and I might even Instagram my makes from time to time.

Lots of love,

Jessica

 

 

Three Things I Learned About Myself During my Year as a Working Mom (and First Year Teacher)

It has been about ten months since I have written or created for this blog, but I’m back with some exciting updates!

The reason I’ve been absent for so long is that at the end of last July our plans unexpectedly changed, and I got a job as a first-year teacher. I spent this last year teaching fifth grade. As a new working mom I knew I couldn’t juggle everything, so I took a huge long break in blogging.

My other exciting news is that we are expecting baby #2 to make his or her arrival very soon! The baby’s due date is June 15th, and the gender is a surprise.

Although I took a break from blogging, my year as a working mom and a first year teacher was an immense growing experience. Here are three things I learned about myself while away from Stitches and Sunflowers.

One: I’m Still a Perfectionist

I’ve always known I am a perfectionist, this is not new! However, the hardest part of being a teacher for me is that it was never, “just a job.”  As a first year teacher, I could see my teaching was not the best. This contributed lots to me being burnt out and not enjoying my work as much as I could if I saw my own successes. The lesson for me here is to practice seeing my mistakes as opportunities to change and become better.

Two: Having a Creative Outlet is Essential for my Wellbeing

When I started teaching, I dropped all of my other hobbies. I was putting in lots of extra time at work, so I didn’t think I would have time to sew as well. I learned that sewing or having a creative outlet helps me to feel whole. As a working mom, self-care should have still been important to me. Although much more of my schedule was filled with work, I wish I would have carved out some creative time.

Three: Staying at Home is What I Want to Do!

My experience teaching was not all negative, but I realized during this year that I have a greater passion for something else. While teaching I met many working moms and I realize that staying home does not work for everyone. However, I love to stay at home with my son! Long days and weeks at home can be dreary and difficult. BUT so can a day-job. I find that as a stay at home mom I can still set goals for myself and progress personally. As moms (whatever we choose) we never need to feel that our contribution is not prestigious enough or that we are selling ourselves short. Being a mom is a wonderful and important job.

I’m excited to be back at home and back in this space!

Love, Jess