I sat on the couch, overwhelmed at the end of the day and tried to figure out what a successful day looked like for me. What did I have to accomplish in order to be pleased with myself at the end of the day? I knew the “right” answer. The one that goes, “As long as everyone’s alive and I love my kids it’s a successful day,” or, “If I just got the one thing done that I set out to do today, then it was a success.” Truthfully? I realized that I usually don’t feel successful unless I’ve blogged in the morning, made three healthy meals from scratch, exercised, studied the gospel, played one-on-one with both boys, had outdoor play, created something during naptime, and gone to bed with a clean house. Ideally I would practice piano and do a craft with the toddler as well.
Yikes! Hello, unrealistic expectations! This is part of battling perfectionism. This is why I have anxiety at the end of every. single. day (almost). I had to let something go, but as I thought about what I would give up the anxiety would get worse. I was holding so tight to all of these parts of my life, feeling like if I gave up even just one that I would be failing and losing part of myself.
The Simple Life
I started to think about simplicity, slow living, and minimalism. I am really good at cutting out unnecessary objects from my life. I am a ruthless declutter-er. Why shouldn’t this sentiment apply to activities and to-do lists as well?
This forced me to think about all the things I’ve been trying to do. Which ones are necessary? Which bring me the most joy? I realized that right now in this stage of life, blogging is not actually bringing me joy. I’ve come to a new stage in my life where it feels more like a chore.
Once I finally told myself that I would stop blogging, I knew it was the right decision. I felt free and peaceful. I even felt more relaxed about sewing.
The feeling is bittersweet because the perfectionism is telling me that if I stop blogging I’ll be wishy-washy, and my blog will be a failure before it even got started. I have so many ideas that I’ve yet to share with you, and goals I’ve yet to reach. Maybe I’ll come back at a different stage in my life and accomplish them. For now, I have to remember that for me this blog has already served its purpose.
I need to simplify my life and this is how I do it. If I really wanted to blog I think I could, but something else would have to go.
So my friends, this is it. It’s been a wonderful (if short) journey. If you need me, I’ll be sewing and snuggling and I might even Instagram my makes from time to time.
Lots of love,